I’m so glad I was on the right side of history when I decided to un-NVIDIA my PC a few years back. In case you missed it, NVIDIA’s lead AI slop-pusher and CEO Jensen Huang unveiled the company’s newest bowl of shit, the “DLSS 5 graphics technology,” a new way for the company to force AI into games in a way nobody asked for, because it hasn’t done enough with shoving AI down all of humanity’s collective throats over the past few months. And boy, does DLSS 5 suck.

Rather than allowing games to retain the unique graphical charm and visuals with which they were designed and boosting them, DLSS 5 coats everything in the same shitty AI filter in a poor attempt to “upscale” the game and make it look “better.” All it really does is give every game the same homogenized AI-infused garbage look that has polluted our social media timelines, our small business advertising, and our game storefronts in recent years. In the intro trailer, the only game that looks even a modicum better is FC 26, and that’s because the characters are based on real people, rather than beings created by artists.

What’s worse, NVIDIA said in DLSS 5’s introductory press release that will be supported by companies like Bethesda, Capcom, Hotta Studio, NetEase, NCSOFT, S-GAME, Tencent, Ubisoft, and Warner Bros. Games. Why Capcom felt the need to be there and break my heart again is another story, but to be fair the two companies have had a very longstanding relationship, so I can’t blame them too much.

According to Forbes, NVIDIA says its DLSS 5 technology is based on a more advanced AI-powered model than its previous DLSS iterations, now involving a “real-time neural rendering model that infuses pixels with photoreal lighting and materials.” Huang said in a statement DLSS 5 is “the GPT moment for graphics,” calling it a “dramatic leap in visual realism” which the company compared to Hollywood films.

Unsurprisingly, nobody that works in or cares about video games is happy about this. According to an IGN poll, 78 percent of those surveyed (present company included) says DLSS 5 is “too much AI slop” and 85.8 percent of voters don’t think it’s “the future” of video games the way every Huang and all these other AI doofuses seem to think it is.

But let’s be honest here, Huang and NVIDIA really don’t care about the games, do they? Since the beginning of the AI “boom,” all Huang has cared about are the sales and increased stock prices that AI provides his company. All DLSS 5 does is give Huang another thing to sell to the company’s board members and shareholders to give himself a bigger bonus while making games worse. Huang and his AI dorks have already taken all the RAM people could use to upgrade their rigs and now he’s making sure the games people can actually run look like shit on top of it all. DLSS 5 is something nobody asked for and solves a problem designed by AI companies scooping up all the RAM for nonexistent machines.

Can’t the AI bubble burst already? I mean sure, it’ll cause the American economy to collapse upon itself but at least we won’t have to deal with all this AI stuff being forced into our lives at every turn.